When we desire to live alone, what are we longing for?

I often miss living alone fervently. In other words, looking forward to living alone again.

there are two or three pairs of shoes in the door, small leather shoes with flat heels, small white cloth shoes with flat soles, and a pair of warm indoor slippers. Take off your handbag and drop it on the floor next to your shoes. Put the clothes rack on the side of the living room, coat, scarf, hat, take it off and hang it, it is always sparse and bright; go into the kitchen, wash your hands, take out a small wooden tray, white porcelain teapot, white porcelain teacup, make a pot of jasmine dragon balls, or Keemun Black Tea. In the living room, there is a set of sofa chairs quietly in the middle of the living room, the back of which can be adjusted at an angle, accompanied by a footstool. Outside the half-open white linen curtain, there is a green crown. Vaguely heard the bell of people riding bicycles and tricycles, whose house was beckoning their children home, drinking some tea, and the dust began to fall.

there can only be one bed in a small bedroom, which must be for two, even if there is only one person to live in. Be able to tolerate sleeping wrapped in different positions and angles. Pure white linen quilt covers, sheets, pillowcases, and bedside can only have a floor reading lamp. A stack of books you are going to read before going to bed and a glass for drinking water at night can be placed on top of that stack of books.

the bedstead should be placed in the center of the bedroom. No matter which side you get out of bed, it is appropriate.

the house is not too big, one room and one house are enough. One room is used as a study and the other as a bedroom. It's better to face south, and the sun is bright all day.

on the operating table in the kitchen, there is a small coffee pot by Bilotti in Italy. When making coffee, the blue flame jumps, and something warm always brings hope and strength; the big orange pottery pot, stewed soup for the whole afternoon or evening; a small light cast iron pot that can be mastered with one hand, it is necessary to stir-fry some delicious vegetables. A 24-hour thermos bottle is the source of happiness in a room: you can drink hot water at any time, make black tea, green tea, and make a cup of mint cinnamon tea.

sometimes a close friend invites her to live in her house, no matter how lovely the other person is, no matter how lovely the other person's home is, it makes him feel sad at the thought of leaving his room. Neat and clean black mahogany desk, white wrinkled quilts, quiet enough to hear the wind through the space, small lamp, floor lamp, all like a magnet to trap my feet.

if you want to say the most attractive thing about a person's life, the first thing must be "silence". Absolute and constant silence.

it's dark in the evening, and you open the door in the dim light of the apartment corridor, quiet and filling the whole room. The cat may meow a few times and come up and rub your leg. But he didn't say much anymore. You take off your shoes, put down your bag, and walk gently on the floor with your socks on. Quiet, the desk is quiet, and the mattress is quiet. Each room turned on a light, the bedroom floor reading lamp, the living room to turn on the ceiling light, the desk work light, but the kitchen only opened the range hood two ball lights, small, dim, two beams of light shone on the gas stove. Take off the hanging cup, pour a glass of water, and gently hush: you have come to heaven from earth.

sort the items in the bag, put the milk bought by the way in the refrigerator, and put the snacks from colleagues in the snack cabinet during the day. Take out the books you have read in the last few days and put them on the reading chair.

"when the cool breeze arrives, White Dew falls, and the cold cicadas sing." I don't remember what kind of weather that day and what kind of dialogue took place. I just remember that on Sunday at the end of summer, when I woke up alone, the hot window was still wide open, and the kind of cold that only belonged to autumn and winter covered the whole body. Check the calendar. It's White Dew. In silence, the changes of the seasons are vaguely reflected in the feelings of the body.

I came home one night, bowed my head, and walked alone, a little scared and a little tired. Suddenly, a little bit with a slight smell of lemon bumped into the nose-this is the orange tree blooming! Growing up in an orange orchard, I should be familiar with the taste of orange blossoms, but at that moment it seemed to be the first chance encounter. The next morning passed as usual and stayed deliberately, and the fragrance of last night was difficult to capture. Only in the quiet darkness and serenity can we encounter this very faint aroma.

23 years old, I just began to learn to live alone. I always buy several boxes of books for myself on Fridays, buy them from Dangdang and move them back home in twos and threes. I spent all my spare time reading in bed all weekend. As for what book to choose, it is entirely on a whim or recommended by the algorithm of the book purchase website, there is no specific field and never make any reading notes. After reading the complete works of Sanmao, I still remember the tears streaming down my face when I read how Jose dispersed the pain of moving back to Taiwan after her death. I don't know why I remember Bohumil. Herabar's "too noisy solitude". I remember how the poor waiter from the country witnessed the absurdity of the upper-class rich man in the old-fashioned luxury restaurant, and later he made his fortune selling food and drink at the railway station. His usual trick was to dillydally change after collecting the passengers' money on the bus. Until the car was gone, the passengers could not come up with the change. The passengers were anxious to ask him to return the money, but he pretended to make the change and chased the train all the way to give it. In the end, he could neither give the change nor the food the passengers wanted to buy. With this kind of lucrative business, he finally got out of abject poverty.

when I was a child, I came across a copy of The Tale of Genji and read it for hours at a time. I looked up and forgot where I was. But as I grew up, I forgot this hobby of killing time. There is no lack of companionship in life, either family or lover, when two people are together, there are so many adventures to do, so many topics to talk about, to argue about, and over time, I have forgotten how to spend it alone.

some people feel that they can't eat well alone. The charm of eating alone should lie in freedom. When and where to eat, throw down two bites, mix a vegetable, make a rice ball, stew a pot of soup, and go live. In a noisy restaurant, you don't have to discuss anything with anyone. No one stops you and advises you.

once I went to eat at a girlfriend's house who lived alone. She cooked a pot of soup on the stove and beckoned me to approach. My soup is on the bar by the stove, and hers is in her hand. Standing in the kitchenette, the two finished the soup in silence. After a while, she laughed, "isn't it strange to eat like this?" He also explained: "This is how I usually eat." Yes, we live alone, and we can eat as much as we want. Sometimes I take a pair of chopsticks, stand by the stove, pick up food from the pot, and finish a meal later.

one year I spent the New year alone in a different place. When I went to cook on a fishing plate during the New year's Eve dinner, I was surrounded by two young couples and a fashionable family of three. I sat alone in the crowd, feeling at ease. The cook seems to take special care of me, ensuring that there is always fresh food on my plate, asking me "how is it" from time to time? Flickering lights, people are very quiet, only hear the occasional knife and fork cup plate collision sound. Sitting with peace of mind, I felt that in the night not far away, time kept walking, rushing to meet a big shot called "New Year's Eve".

one of the best times in one's life is waking up alone in the morning. There is no one else in the room but you. Occasionally I may hear the old refrigerator sigh in the dark. The neighbors are sleeping quietly. People who stay up late can't make it in the wee hours of the morning and have just gone to bed. The cleaner has just swept the street, and it was the sound of brushing that woke you up. The horizon was dark at first, and gradually, behind the dark curtain, there seemed to be an unstoppable strong light coming out, and the black curtain became thinner. At the height of the dark curtain, yellow, cyan, and white light came out. The darkness gradually drifted away to the ground until the sun jumped out and the sky was bright as if the darkness had never existed before. At that moment, I always remembered that it was indeed the darkest moment before dawn.

when I live with my parents, I seldom get peace and tolerance when I get up in the morning, always accompanied by "it's time to get up", "wash your face" and "it's time for breakfast". Wait. When I live alone, I wake up in absolute silence in the morning. I feel the weakness of my legs, the weakness of my body, and the strength to sit up when I wake up in the morning. That complete relaxation is like a person floating in a blue swimming pool, with the sun falling from the glass roof, reflecting a sparkling shadow on the water, with no one around. You're surrounded by water.

compared with the gradually noisy morning, a person sinking into the darkness with the whole world in the middle of the night alone is a pure beauty of serenity, though occasionally mixed with fear that does not seem so sweet. Sometimes you wonder why you are the only one facing the boundless black when the world has abandoned you. If there is a family in the opposite building with the window open on a summer night and the children playing back and forth and hearing people talking about trivial matters in the warm light of the living room, it may be good for you: you will feel that you are living in the world, but rarely keep your whole self.

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one of the adverse consequences of one's life is the loss of the ability to express oneself freely. When you meet a crowd that wants to communicate, you can't spit out your heart fluently, as if your tongue and lips are not used every once in a while, and you gradually lose the ability to express yourself.

but I have come to feel that clumsy lips have indescribable benefits. When others are depressed and sad, your existence and company are more effective than words; when others are happy, your silence and smile are more sincere than compliments. In many cases, the retention of words is a better expression.

the feeling of silence such as Pu'er tea. The first entrance smells a little astringent and earthy, and it seems that it needs to be patient with closed eyes. Gradually, a touch of Hui Gan surges from the depths of the tongue and fills the whole mouth. The comfort and freshness of the abdomen and stomach are an extra surprise.

when you get used to silence, serenity comes naturally.

on the night of the weekend, it gets dark, turn on the lamp, and listen to Li Zhi's old radio song program. But unknown, looking for a piece of heart in my heart. Yun Qing Wanli, looking for you from the beginning. The cat is on the other side of the desk. This half of the desk, last week's sweater, gray sweater skirt, black woolen trousers are all taken off, spread out on the table. Beside them were small scissors, sticky tubes, brushes, and clothes spread out one by one on the big desk of spades. First stick hair, stick gray, prefer black clothes, but a stick hair is very conspicuous. Cut off the protruding hairball, the hanging thread, and the curler to make the material of the clothes clear. In the kitchen, Tremella and red jujube soup was stewed in an orange casserole, and the sweet aroma floated all over the room. The clean floor almost shone with light.

the happiness in my heart almost gushed out at that moment. This is what a perfect moment in life, orderly, no pressure, soft clothes, sweet smell, complete self, what kind of person can make me give up such a moment in my life.

although you live alone, loneliness doesn't come very often. If you are an office worker, you will find that you are desperate to be alone after work: the people and things at work have made you talk too much.

the more sincere people are, the more they feel lonely everywhere. On the other hand, people who try to create something ideologically will consciously choose to be alone to protect their inner world and focus on the search for meaning and order without interference from others.

there are two forms of solitude: forced solitude and spontaneous solitude. The former is a kind of imprisonment, while the latter is a retirement of one's own choice. If you live alone as a choice, it's not lonely, it's seclusion.

loneliness sometimes brings a feeling of hurt. Usually, on Saturday nights, loneliness appears with a bit of a restless, frightening mask. If you stay at home after work on Friday, I suggest you make an appointment on Saturday afternoon or in the evening. It's also possible. To go to the cafe alone. For a person who lives alone for a long time, his lips and tongue will become less sensitive, but his ears will be extremely sensitive. Order a cup of coffee and bring a relaxing book. You pretend to be reading and listening to the conversations and lives of the people around you. After nine o'clock, people are still partying on weekends and the streets are still bustling, but you are already on your way home. The cold, uncomfortable, frightening thing called "loneliness" was washed away by warm popularity.

the holiday is a test. Especially those important festivals, Dragon Boat Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival, New year, Spring Festival, people post happy photos of the whole family on social media, the feast of families sitting around, you can smell the smell of food, and the warm living room, the children walk with their feet, and people turn on the TV to watch a festival program together. It is cruel and often lethal to allow yourself to face all this without countermeasures. It's a good idea to get together with friends. If you don't want to waste time with a group of specious people, it's also a good idea to book some holiday-related celebrations. The theatre is specially arranged for the festival, the New year fireworks display in the square, there are thousands of people celebrating the festival with you, this feeling is rare and grand.

however, on the whole, moderate loneliness is beneficial. Once one discovers the beauty and value of loneliness, it is like an antidote, a way to defeat the unavoidable Tower of Babel spells in a long life. The cure for loneliness is not to meet others, but to learn how to be friends with yourself.

when you live alone, the time is your own, so you don't have to passively cut it to pieces. You can do one thing quietly and continuously, and you can read two long stories a day.

I used to spend one-day playing tennis every weekend for as long as a year. Until then, save your energy for this, get rid of other arrangements, and get your lunches and jerseys ready. At the end of the evening, I went home exhausted but content.

I have a friend who has lived alone for more than ten years and is an independent R & D engineer. Mobile phones are often muted to one side, and it is common to work for hours to solve a problem. "I often finish my work only to find that it is getting dark soon." When he said so, there was satisfaction and fatigue in his eyes. However, if you live with your family, you probably need a considerable degree of understanding and running-in to meet his schedule. At the very least, a competent wife won't let him work continuously without lunch.

when living alone, the room becomes very empty. It turns out that it is not objects or people that make the room seem crowded, but a lot of words that do not need to be said.

the quiet of the room echoes through the room against the sound of keyboard typing.

Music can cycle through your favorite albums, such as Theft of the Year.

when living alone, the room can be clean without a lot of cleaning. Is it because people who live alone don't walk around the house for no reason? Is it because he always puts it back in place every time he uses it?

go to the movies by yourself. Afternoon show, weekend morning show. Instead of watching the night show, it is not safe to come home too late.

the disadvantages of living alone.

when you need to get up early to catch a plane, you are afraid that the alarm clock will break.

when I go out for many days and go home, I am afraid of some unpredictable changes at home. For example, plants die. Or, covered with a thick layer of dust.

when you go home, you need to say to yourself, I'm back. It is said that ghosts that cannot be seen temporarily living at home can be driven away.

when people reach middle age, they want to start a family and breed offspring, so the possibility of living alone becomes very small. One of the consequences of marriage is the loss of loneliness. People who have an urgent need for solitude will eventually learn to hide from the big house with a great deal of silence when two or more people live together.

Home slippers, no matter how soft, stretch more freely than wearing a pair of warm socks on the floor. If a person has tried to walk on free feet, she confirms that there are no shoes more comfortable than the soles of her feet. For example, no matter how comfortable a partner is, it is not more perfect to live alone.

I was forced to hand over this absolute serenity to life, with a little unspeakable sadness.