Don't be afraid, everyone has an arrhythmia.
All I can do is to go on willingly.
two weeks ago, I had dinner with several programmers who didn't wear plaid shirts and are now more popular with solid-color T-shirts.
one of them is a friend of my cousin. I heard that when I started a business in college, I earned tens of thousands of dollars a month.
however, three years ago, there was a cerebral hemorrhage.
when talking about this, he moved the fan away from the big stall. He looked a little fat, but he also felt cold in summer.
at that time, the friend had a headache and went to the hospital for a CT scan. When the result came out, the doctor told him not to move, and then the ambulance was transferred to the big hospital.
go in and operate under general anesthesia immediately. So far, no one told him it was a cerebral hemorrhage, but he just woke up in ICU.
"my first thought, shit, is my money going to run out?"
friends laugh every time they say something miserable, but we all know it's not that easy.
after he was discharged from the hospital, he changed to an easy job and looked as if all his energy had been used up before the age of 25.
two.
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.
Cerebral hemorrhage is not common.
these severe diseases occur around us about once a few years, as a warning to us to look at our lives.
I secretly poked and compared my body, occasional headache, chest pain, irregular heart rate, sick, deeply suspicious.
but this suspicion won't last long, because the expectations of the people around you are still rising.
is it time to buy a house? It's time to get married after falling in love, right? Is the annual salary less than 200000?
is just the way to solve expectations in the first place, which is effort.
the way to resolve expectations now is that it's not worth the effort.
when chatting with a friend, the most he says is: I don't want to be a screw.
he said that for a group, an individual is just a number. Work, marriage, and childbearing are just a member of the assembly line of life. If they go on, they just fall into a bad rut.
this is like climbing to the top of a mountain, looking at the neat cities below, and arranging the same commercial housing, you find that the goal you are trying to achieve is so boring.
"Why do you buy a house to oppress yourself?"
"Why are you having a baby, repeating my life now?" The idea of
scares me because I can't convince him that you can't encourage someone who's been in ICU to keep fighting.
he struggled, but his body surrendered first.
three.
at this point, I share with you a deep sense of powerlessness.
the latest "powerlessness" occurred when Party A changed the sixth edition of the drawings at the weekend, Party A could not express what he wanted, and I could not guess the reason why he was dissatisfied.
We are blind, touching stones at both ends of the river.
to alleviate this sense of powerlessness, I watched the video while negotiating, watching the anti-epidemic article in "the World".
this is quite abrupt, emphasizing both being stubborn and living.
in the first episode of the world, there was an old man, uremia plus COVID-19, who was bound to die, because he had a good blood purification and now had a chance of life, but he needed to be transferred to a hospital for amputation.
the doctor who purified his blood suspected: I don't know if I have done something good or bad.
another doctor said: did what needed to be done.
before adversity, doctors cannot measure torture by "good or bad", nor can they measure life by "usefulness". they can only do what should be done on the bottom line of humanitarianism.
this makes me less hostile. There are indeed a lot of things that are not worth the hard work. Sometimes the difficulty of work has nothing to do with your ability but has something to do with the other person's position, or it has to do with the environment where everyone wants the most cost-effective.
there is nothing to complain about, nothing to be frustrated about, and there is no need to forget the pleasant parts of life.
just like I complained to my boyfriend: the world is too bitter.
he said: it is right to be bitter, otherwise how can you realize my sweetness?
finally.
some people often say that when a grain of dust of the 20th century falls on an individual's head, which is a mountain.
what should we do with this mountain?
climb, I can't climb. Give up? it's humiliating.
every time this happens, I think of the story of Yu Gong moving away from the mountain.
when I was a child, it was always strange that the victory of moving mountains had anything to do with Yu Gong's persistence, just because the Emperor of Heaven was so powerful.